Alrighty, fun on the interwebs inevitably led to the Wu-Tang WuName generator. I will now only answer to bastard, BASTARD HarbourMastah. As the bastard, BASTARD HarbourMastah, I feel that it is absolutely imperative (although counter-intuitive perhaps) to delve into the hidden dangers of biscuits. I can personally attest to the potential hazards of the hard cookie (thinking the only danger from a nice buttermilk biscuit is roly-polyism)—I have suffered from abrasions along the ridge right behind my upper teeth. It is hellish drinking orange juice after that.
Are you eating a dangerous biscuit RIGHT NOW? According to The Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation, these are the most dangerous biscuits:
- Custard Cream 5.64
- Cookie 4.34
- Choc Biscuit Bar (eg: Rocky) 4.12
- Wafer 3.74
- Rich Tea 3.45
- Bourbon 3.44
- Oat Biscuit 3.31
- Digestive 3.14
- Ginger Nut 2.99
- Shortbread 2.90
- Caramel Shortcake 2.76
- Nice Biscuit 2.27
- Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
- Chocolate Finger 1.38
- Jaffa Cakes 1.16
Why so dangerous? Scalding hot tea or coffee, inhaling (or exhaling) crumbs and falling while reaching for a biscuit. 25 million people injured by biscuits. Bastards!
You can be sure that someday soon, all cookies and cookie-type products will come with a warning sticker on the cookie to warn of imminent disaster. Most likely resulting in a sharp rise in papercuts to the mouth and tongue. You have been warned.
